‘The Interesting Journey of Becoming our Own Savior…’

Countless movies show us a scenario in which a hero suddenly shows up to save us from darkness. It implies that we are in essence helpless victims of our destiny. No wonder we – individually and collectively – all have a certain need to be ‘rescued’.

But the current transformative time our planet is moving through points us in a new direction: we are being called to starting thinking more for ourselves and to actively participate in our own healing and development rather than waiting around for someone else to save the day or a situation to magically improve.
In other words: ‘We are the ones we’ve been waiting for’.

Since this requires a level of emotional responsibility, not everyone on earth will be inclined to explore this path. We’ve all had years of training when it comes to pushing away our problems, pretending it’s all ok when it isn’t, or overthinking every little detail that happens to us.
So even though we don’t want that particular job anymore, or we want more fulfilling relationships or better health, it’s very understandable that it’s often more comfortable to keep doing what we’ve always done, because it feels so familiar…

Stepping out of our comfort zone requires a curiosity and a willingness to acknowledge and befriend both the light and the shadow aspects within ourselves. This is a journey of ‘Learning and Discovering’, and not so much looking for the ‘The Magic Pill that Fixes Everything Overnight’. It also entails wanting to learn how to celebrate our successes along the way as well as deeply appreciating and enjoying them, and no longer being focused on the many things we still need to work on. (In my experience as a practitioner, I’ve come to understand that this is the Nr 1 predictor of how much someone is going to benefit long-term from the ‘Inner Work’ they’ve been doing.)

A common misconception is that when we start practicing - and getting better - at ‘saving ourselves’ we’re not allowed to get any outside assistance. Quite the contrary: relying on ourselves more – in healthy ways - can take away a lot of the pressure we put on ourselves and on others. Focusing on improvement without the heavy load of expectations - both positive and negative ones - usually attracts the kind of help from others that is energizing (vs draining), longer lasting (vs short-lived), and more joyful (vs obligating).

I’d love to see more movies or TV-shows portraying new types of role models. Characters that dare to dream, yet aren’t afraid of becoming their own ‘savior’…
But until then, let’s fill in the gap ourselves ;-)…

© Els De Schaepmeester - For more info on how to work with me: www.thehouseofhealing.info

Why Karma isn’t such a Bitch after all…

Whether you consider yourself spiritual or not, most of us have juggled with the idea of ‘karma’.  Especially when we are faced with a challenging situation.

We are inclined to sometimes perceive troubles as a kind of ‘punishment’ for something we did wrong in the past (in this or in a previous lifetime ;-).

When adversity strikes it’s easy to go into ‘victim mode’, typically asking questions such as “Why is this happening to me?”, “What did I do to deserve this?”, “How am I ever going to get out of this?”. This line of thinking usually goes hand in hand with feelings of guilt, anger, shame, grief, blame, etc. and tends to keep you stuck in the very place you no longer want to be in.

If we practice this mindset long and often enough we’ll start hoping for someone or something to step in and rescue us**.

All of the above is perfectly natural and normal.
Congratulations; you’re human!

But unless you decide at some point that ‘Victim Land where Karma is out to Get me’ is not going to be your permanent residence, you’re in for a lifetime of feeling bad about your circumstances, endlessly hoping for things to magically turn around all by themselves.

A real game changer for me has been to gradually shift my point of view on ‘karma’ and ‘challenges’. And I have found it to be a great ‘recipe’ for stepping out of victimhood.
This what I have come to believe:
whatever happens in your life - especially the hard times - is not there to ‘sanction’ you, but to invite and help you to explore, discover, learn, and ultimately grow as a person.

It requires us to be curious and brave in order to look at ‘difficulties’ in a new light, as a means to get to know ourselves better, the world we live in, and how it’s all connected… yet it's worth it every time...

 (**that person who will ultimately liberate you is ‘you’J)

© Els De Schaepmeester - For more info on how to work with me: www.thehouseofhealing.info

'That Feeling of Freedom…'

Because of the ongoing situation we’re in, we’ve all been challenged in our autonomy to (not being able) to set up the activities we want. It has fueled in many of us the need of ‘wanting to be saved’.

It’s typical for us humans to wish for ‘someone’ of ‘something’ to make things better. We’ve been conditioned into thinking that we’re pretty helpless and that the best answers to our prayers will be magically offered to us from somewhere outside of ourselves, without much of our own engagement or cooperation.

Which so often results in disappointment…
Our boss doesn’t suddenly become understanding, our partner has his or her own patterns that they’re stuck in, our friends have their urgent matters to attend to, etc.

In doing my own inner work – and in guiding others to do theirs – I have come to learn that the amount of freedom we experience primarily rises from within us. Our circumstances don’t automatically define how ‘free’ or ‘not free’ we feel.

Doing (real!) emotional work helps us understand that no other person or entity will free us from a toxic workplace, an abusive relationship, etc. It’s mostly down to us.

When we start forgiving ourselves for past mistakes or ‘things we should have done differently’, we naturally start liking ourselves more. We automatically become less ‘needy’ and more open to initiating changes, no longer waiting around to be rescued.

And in (truly!) comforting ourselves we tend to attract more like-minded people who are genuinely interested in being by our side to help (often faster and easier than we had previously imagined possible).

Our society is changing on multiple levels and those of us who are willing to augment their flexibility and expand their minds to install (healthy) changes will have a far greater chance of being comfortable within themselves and the world, now and in the future…

© Els De Schaepmeester - For more info on how to work with me: www.thehouseofhealing.info

‘Trade your Expectations for Appreciation and the World Changes Instantly’ – Tony Robbins

When people ask me which of my clients achieve long-term success more easily than others it has a lot to do with what I’d like to call ‘appreciation’.
Those that are able to see and value the components in their lives that are gradually improving – even if the problem isn’t completely resolved yet  – promote their healing process tremendously.

If, for instance, you are tired of the job you’re in: concentrating mostly on the struggle and constantly wondering why the heck you’re still in your current employment only adds more fuel to what you ‘don’t want anymore’ or ‘what you don’t have yet’. It perpetuates your ‘stuckness’.

Letting go of unhealthy beliefs and ideas & making peace with painful past events is an essential part of true and lasting change. But so is directing your attention towards the positive situations and people that you are already experiencing +  your focus on attracting more of that. (It’s a golden combo J.)

Dismantling old structures takes time. However, when you recognize which steps you have already taken, it doesn’t matter so much how close you are to your goal.
You may even end up with something far better than you had wished for…


© Els De Schaepmeester
For more info on how to work with me: www.thehouseofhealing.info

‘Why focusing only on the positive stuff is a bad idea…’

Countless are the books, calendars, cards, etc. on practicing positive affirmations. Anyone who’s ever attempted to give ‘self- development’ a go will – at some point or another – have invested in focusing on uplifting phrases.

Only to discover that it doesn’t work that way.

An example: someone is single. They think that they are worthy of a good relationship (which of course they are!). However, there might be a chance that – on a deeper level – they hold feelings of rejection and abandonment. In which case their seemingly positive attitude around relationships does not match their belief system. (And these tend to run the show without them realizing it.

Their current status is likely to remain unchanged, unless they embark on a journey of exploration and processing. Attracting a loving partner will be the natural outcome.

That being said: besides looking behind the scenes to shine some light upon ‘the bad & the ugly’… spending time and energy on truly appreciating the wonderful aspects in your life will greatly help in keeping it ‘light & airy’ as you are working your way through some of the denser structures…

© Els De Schaepmeester - For more info on how to work with me: www.thehouseofhealing.info).

“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear” – Ambrose Redmoon

True inner work is not easy.  Allowing yourself to change is not easy.
Fear and resistance will show up along the way. Don’t be surprised when it pops up. Expect it.

The good news: the positive effects aren’t just noticeable at the end. You can reap the benefits of your transformation as you progress. After all, healing yourself is not a one-off event; it’s a lifelong ‘Grand Tour’!

When things go wrong in our lives, we so often blame others, society, the world,… . And even though there is real darkness, the ability and willingness to face our OWN shadows can and will deeply help in gradually making our planet a better place. Starting with our own circle of family, friends and the people we work with.

It helps having a role model for courage. Maybe a grandparent, maybe a friend, … someone you can think of when you feel like giving up. People who understood the importance of playing their part in overcoming an obstacle or solving a problem.

Learning and practicing ‘bravery’ is a bit of an art form. But keep going; you’ll get better at it over time…
 

© Els De Schaepmeester
For more info on how to work with me: www.thehouseofhealing.info

‘The benefits of releasing both negative AND positive expectations…’

Let me jump right in with an example: Person A has a terrible boss.
Person B has a wonderful boss.

Person A is desperately hoping for their boss to become a better person. More reliable, more understanding, more able to welcome input and teamwork, more appreciative and so on. No matter what person A says, does or thinks is making a difference. Their boss repeats the (unwanted) behavior in various forms and person A is becoming increasingly disappointed and stressed out.

Person B has been blessed with the most amazing boss. They are encouraging, supportive, able to make and communicate clear decisions, fair in their judgements, etc, In other words: everything most people would want in a leader.
There is one downside: their boss has decided to leave the company. Person A is devastated by the news, thinking they will never again have a boss like them.

Both person A and B have an opportunity for growth.

Person A could allow themselves to let go of any of the expectations they are holding. Thus setting themselves free, and creating a space for learning more about themselves (and the world!).
This will result in more connection and confidence, within self and in others, which in turns leads to more creativity and better teamwork. It’s all about taking action instead of endlessly waiting around for Mr or Mrs Boss to do something different.

Person B could consider letting go of the sadness of their boss’ leaving, which would open up a space for honoring the time they’ve had with them.
They may discover that their boss has been a major role model, but instead of eternally ‘looking up them’ or idolizing them they could start developing their own leadership to become a great mentor themselves.

Whether you identify with person A or person B, I hope that these examples will help to open your mind to new possibilities.
After all, there is no time like the present to build your mental and emotional flexibility… ;-)

© Els De Schaepmeester
For more info on how to work with me: www.thehouseofhealing.info

‘Visiting our Shadow Sides…’

As we see more of the ‘darkness’ that goes on in the world come to light, I believe the time has come to familiarize ourselves with our own - individual - shadow sides.

For some of us this means that we are prepared to look at less desirable traits or habits. Others will have to own up to ‘darker acts’ through which they have inflicted more severe suffering upon others.

Whichever our social circle, lifestyle or background we are all united by a universal pattern: we carry pain inside ourselves that goes back to our childhood and teenage years, impacting our lives today.

Only ‘hurt people hurt people. ..
Allowing ourselves to break free from the cycles that have determined our previous and current generations will allow for a truly better tomorrow.
Letting go of the resistance and fear of doing the ‘inner work’ is the first and most important step towards this.

Those of you already on this journey know that – despite the challenges – a lot of ‘light-ness’ is to be found on this path.

Remember: you are no longer alone…

© Els De Schaepmeester
For more info on how to work with me: www.thehouseofhealing.info

‘Cleaning out the Attic’

In the midst of quarantine I was in my car on the way to the grocery store. On the radio a woman had called in to request a song. She was also briefly being interviewed.

The typical ‘lockdown conversation’ followed:
- Radio host: “What have you been up to during confinement?”
- Listener: “I suddenly had a lot of free time and I’ve been cleaning out my attic. A job I had been putting off for over 25 years.”
- Radio host: “Wow, I can see how - given the circumstances -  it would have been difficult to sell the idea to yourself that you don’t have the time to do this right now...”

Which got me thinking…

Anyone who’s ever seriously taken on the task of sorting through stored items will agree: you come across lots of stuff that has been taking up space and that you no longer need.
Simultaneously, there are amazing treasures to be re-discovered.

The same goes for our mind: which events have you kept ‘up there in your head’? Are there any old frustrations, past disappointments, etc. that you have been holding on to? Which ones would you like to let go of?
There are beautiful memories too, often forgotten; and who knows which ‘hidden gems’ you will stumble upon...

If you need help with cleaning up the ‘mind attic’, let me know. I’m a pretty good companion when it comes to this sort thing.

© Els De Schaepmeester
For more info on how to work with me: www.thehouseofhealing.info

'Viral Times...'

Our cat got into a fight a couple of weeks ago (this was before the lockdown).

He’s usually the ‘King of the Neighborhood’, but on this occasion – although he had only minor injuries – he didn’t feel like he had gained the upper hand (or ‘paw’) this time.

In the days following the fight he developed an infection in his mouth. Strangely, this area had not been affected by the clash.
I decided to take him to the vet. She explained to me that the shock of the encounter had caused his immune system to weaken, hence the infection.

Our pet reminded me of what trauma does to a living being. He demonstrated what can happen when we hold on to a shocking event...

What we need during this time of quarantine is the ability to navigate the waters of fear and ride the waves of uncertainty. Fear is a valid emotion and belongs – like any other ‘sentiment’ – to our human experience. However, allowing ourselves to be enslaved by our (instilled) ‘angst’ and to hold on to a prolonged state of panic will not serve our minds and bodies.

Our cat was able to shake off his ‘defeat’ and that’s when he began to heal and feel strong again.
(He seems to be doing even better than before now).

Releasing our stress hormones by exercising, processing our emotions by meditation and other practices, keeping in touch with our loved ones in safe, yet creative ways will strengthen our mental & emotional resilience and will boost our immune systems.

And this is exactly we will need more of in weeks and years to come…                                   

© Els De Schaepmeester
For more info on how to work with me: www.thehouseofhealing.info

So many tips and tricks are being shared to get through the quarantine…

…Well… I’d like to highlight a couple of aspects that I haven’t come across much.

In mainstream media it’s all about handwashing, social distancing and ‘learning-a-new-language-now–that-you-have-the-time-for-it’. The more alternative media are telling us how to boost our immune system and are advising us to more deeply connect with ourselves and our loved ones.

All very useful, but let’s look at a few things:
1) Couples that both work from home and have children barely have time to get out of their pyjamas, let alone learn how to play the guitar on YouTube or go on a spiritual journey.
Trying to home school, keeping the house in order and getting some office work fitted into their day-to-day is what they are currently dealing with.

2) Those of us who are suddenly finding themselves with a lot more time on their hands may be left a little bewildered. They may not have been investing much in meaningful relationships in the past few years and are now faced with ‘me-myself-and-I’ without the necessary skills to navigate their inner landscape. In case they have a partner things could be a lot more tense than they had bargained for.

There are many more categories of course, but whichever one you fall into, some type of slowing down amidst all of this ‘is’ going to take place for you at one point or another.
Be easy on yourself and take a step back to assess your life if you feel called to do so.

Valuable lessons can be learnt during this time of confinement:
1) For the ‘busy’ parents: simply spot certain patterns, thoughts, behaviors,… Pick up on things that you might like to change about yourself, your life, and also, take a look at traits that you really enjoy about yourself and your loved ones.
Maybe you are finding that you have developed a certain habit of losing your temper quite quickly or talking to your partner in a disrespectful manner. At the same time you may be pleasantly surprised by how kind your son is or how funny your partner is in times of crisis. And maybe you’ll even come to the conclusion that you don’t need that many social gatherings on the weekend to feel relaxed.
If you don’t get around to working through the issues you have identified right away, write them down and ‘store them’ for later when your schedule clears up a bit. Make a commitment to yourself that you ‘will’ take action. Your life will be the better for it in the long run.

2) For the people that have a lot of extra time: realize that the things you are experiencing and feeling now didn’t magically show up in your life because of this crisis (this is also true for any other category!).
More often than not sensations, feelings of anxiety, anger, grief, etc. are emotions that have been lingering for a quite some time and can even be traced back to early childhood. Simply know that this applies to any human on the planet. Many others like you will have things come to the surface during this time.
You have several options: you can start writing down what you are noticing (the good and the bad) and go find yourself an online course that helps you navigate what you are feeling or you can find a practitioner online that provides individual guidance. Whatever you decide to do, getting started is key. Everything else will evolve from that point onwards.

This is an excellent time to start creating a stronger foundation within yourself.
You don’t have to ‘deep dive’ into this type of emotional ground work right away. Taking it step by step will pay off more in the long run anyway.

Just bear in mind: It’s not a sprint and it’s not a competition. After all, we are all in this together.
Be well & happy exploring!

© Els De Schaepmeester
For more info on how to work with me: www.thehouseofhealing.info

I’ve been noticing that more people are seeking help for their stresses and emotional struggles than ever before. Coaching and counselling are less surrounded by taboo nowadays.

If you look back at previous generations, our grandparents and great-grandparents, who had to endure world wars and other hardships, they somehow had the capacity to ‘brush things off’, to bravely carry on as if nothing much had happened.

In our society today that seems to be no longer the case. Bore-outs, burn-outs, high divorce rates, … mostly as a result of prolonged stress and/or psychological challenges. It’s becoming more and more difficult for people to simply return to ‘business as usual’ after an emotional upheaval.

People of all walks of life are being called to ‘look under the hood’, to get more in touch with what’s really going on in their lives.
It’s like a universal invitation to stop trying to solve and figure things out rationally, but to allow our inner world to transform. Instead of forcing ourselves to change, we can allow old pain to leave our brains and nervous systems in order to make room for stability and resilience of a new kind.

Needless to say that familiar flight mechanisms are still the preferred route for many, but overall, things are changing. Unlike any other era, the time for transformation and healing at a deeper level is ‘now’…

© Els De Schaepmeester
For more info on how to work with me: www.thehouseofhealing.info

The Myth of the 'Happy Childhood’…

Although there are those among us that will instantly admit to having had a very challenging upbringing, the majority of people will answer positively when you ask them: “Did you have a happy childhood?”

Parents were around, food was available, school was alright and so on. It isn’t until you really ‘zoom in’ on the different aspects of growing up that a less ideal picture emerges.
Maybe dad wasn’t very ‘accessible’ emotionally and maybe mom had a tendency of being a little too controlling. You may have spent your yearly vacations at beachside resorts but – truth be told - you may never have felt very supported, understood or encouraged on an emotional level.

In adulthood we so often think that the emotions we feel around a current situation and the way we deal with our problems today have nothing to do with our past. We perceive our issues as being part of merely ‘now’. However, this is rarely the case: the time spent with our caregivers has a major impact on our later life, often in ways that aren’t easy to identify.

So even for those of us with so-called ‘happy childhoods’ the inner work you do on the dynamics your parents offered can be truly transformational for your life as an adult.
Unhealthy family traditions don’t need to be passed down to future generations. Honoring the best your family had to offer and letting go of the patterns that won’t be so helpful in the future is a great service to yourself and anyone who is connected to you!
 

© Els De Schaepmeester

For more info on how to work with me: www.thehouseofhealing.info

How to Spice up your Conversations…

We all want to be heard and understood by people when we talk to them.
But we often feel like we’re not. Connecting with others is an art form in and of itself. To experience flow and real ‘exc hange’ in a conversation it requires knowledge and practice.
And no matter to which degree you are struggling, we have all been in this situation. ..

In order to have more fulfilling conversations there are a few things that are helpful in almost any circumstance:

1) Ask (open end) questions with a genuine interest to what the response will be.
The person in front of you wants to be heard just as much as you do. By paying attention to your body language (don’t keep looking at your phone!) you are paving the way for new dynamics.
Also, don’t assume that you already know the answer;  you might be surprised…

2) Add feeling to what it is you are talking about.
For instance: if you’ve just changed jobs a few weeks ago your conversation partner will be more compelled to listen to your story when you go beyond simply ‘stating the facts’.
New tasks and responsibilities aside, reveal some of your ‘inner world’. If there’s a certain aspect of your job that you find challenging, tell them how you FEEL about this.
Share some of the ‘good’ (the coworkers make you feel welcome) and the ‘bad’ (the coffee is awful). Add some humor to spice things up!

Practicing this will gradually refine your skills so that – after a while - you don’t have to consciously think about it anymore. It’ll become second nature and you’ll feel much more heard. You’ll understand what it takes to ‘really’ pay attention to someone, which in turn makes them feel better about themselves. It’s a win-win for everyone…

© Els De Schaepmeester

For more info on how to work with me: www.thehouseofhealing.info

‘Why New Year’s Resolutions don’t Work…’

At some point we’ve all done it, but most will testify that they generally don’t come to fruition… New year’s resolutions! By the third week of January you’ve figured out that the list was too long, the goals too big or overwhelming, and the deadlines too short…

The antidote: although dreaming is a great idea, in order to achieve bigger things in life, it’s vital to allow yourself to ‘take things step-by-step’ and break them up into smaller pieces. This will help in keeping disappointment at bay. Even when things ‘don’t’ go according to plan (which they usually do!), you’ll be able to get back into the game much more easily.

Also, and this is probably as important, if not more, ‘setting an intention’ rather than making lists of things you have to have accomplished by a certain date is a good deal more inspiring and effective.

If one of your goals is to lose weight, for instance, this type of mindset will not get you very far, since it relies heavily on willpower. In times of stress or intense emotions willpower is the first thing to crumble.
It will be far more interesting to think about ‘why’ you would like to stop snacking and eating candy in between meals. Maybe the real thing you want is better health and a fitter body?

The ‘wanting to feel more vital and alive’ will help create a stronger foundation for your intention. You can start figuring out the little things you can do every day in order to make progress (such as getting organized in terms of cooking or shopping for food). And it’s more about the discovery & the journey rather than simply reaching your final destination. Testing out stuff will make you uncover what works best for ‘you’. Making smaller adjustments along the way and practicing those will help build your skillset and your confidence level.

For the new year: as you are creating safety within yourself, I wish each of you wonderful adventures in 2020!

© Els De Schaepmeester
For more info on how to work with me: www.thehouseofhealing.info

The Root Cause of Any Escape Mechanism…

In a documentary on BBC World News that was broadcasted recently my attention was caught by Judge Paul Herbert of Columbus, Ohio, who spoke of drug addiction in victims of human trafficking (the judge set up a successful program for rehabilitation which is now being copied in other areas of the US).

He cleverly pointed out that the women use drugs to medicate their pain.
It isn’t their addiction to the drugs that drives the drug addiction.

His words set me thinking… you don’t have to be dependent on drugs or alcohol to have ‘an addiction’. In one way or another we are all prone to ‘flight methods’. Some of these are even valued by society, such as overworking.
The possibilities to escape our problems are endless: excessive shopping, emotional eating, going to the gym all the time, binge watching TV, or browsing social media for hours, very frequent travel, … and there are less easily detectable forms, e.g. constantly complaining to your friends and family or drama seeking to distract you from what really deserves your attention.

Whatever your coping strategy of choice has been so far, it has served one main purpose: it keeps you away from pain and it numbs any unpleasant emotions (even creating new issues in the long run).

On the flip side, if you don’t know how to deal with your ‘stuff’, it’s very understandable that you have been doing everything in your power to get away from it.
Most of us didn’t have parents or schools that were able to teach us how to deal with emotional distress. But luckily, things are changing and for those who are curious and ‘ready’, there has never been a time like the present…

Feel free to check out what I can offer to help you at www.thehouseofhealing.info

© Els De Schaepmeester

Networking...

Just this past week I received a message from an old friend, thanking me for supporting their work on social media (you know who you are! J). Now, why wouldn’t I ?!? I really enjoy encouraging and promoting the people that I know, inside and outside of my industry.

There are very few individuals in this world who entirely make it on their own. Persistence, dedication and a good dose of hard work are key components for long-term success. But it’s an illusion to think that we achieve this purely on our own merit.

Expanding your network shouldn’t just be about the things ‘you’ can get out of it, or about what someone can do for ‘you’. More often the power lies in genuinely connecting, understanding each other, as well as learning and growing together. After all, safe connections enable people to do groundbreaking work.

Taking a different approach will enable you to accept help from someone else, but it will also train you in being of service to others in ways that can really impact the world.

Something to keep in mind the next time you’re at a networking event…

© Els De Schaepmeester
For more info on how to work with me: www.thehouseofhealing.info

How people that trigger you can be a blessing in disguise…

None of us deliberately seek out other people that trigger or annoy us.
But it happens to all of us from time to time.Sometimes it’s a family member, sometimes a friend, and very often a colleague or a supervisor.

Over the years I’ve trained myself in dealing with such situations differently. In order to move away from a situation of ‘powerlessness’, I’ve found it can be very helpful to realize that:
a) Even if their behavior seems inappropriate and irrational to you, they usually have too much of a thing that you need more of in your life…
b) They very likely carry a pain inside of them that you know nothing about. And – just like you – they are simply trying to make the best of it…

Realizing that the person who triggers you has in fact something to ‘offer’ you, something that you need to make peace with in order to enter the next stage of your growth, makes them a lot more ‘tolerable’. This doesn’t mean that you need to become like them, it just means that you start seeing that there are things that you are avoiding inside yourself.
To quote author and poetess Maya Angelou: “We are more alike, my friends, than we are unalike”…

© Els De Schaepmeester
For more info on how to work with me: www.thehouseofhealing.info

Communicating or Sharing...?

Most of us know that ‘communication’ is vital in (love) relationships.

But the focus on ‘talking frequently to each other’ can be a mantra that drives you further away from each other, not bringing you closer together…

Obviously, when there is no regular exchange of information between two people things will be tough. Very tough. In my experience, however, this is not what the majority of couples are struggling with.

In many cases there is a quite a lot of ‘dialogue’ going on, not only about practical matters, but also about more emotional topics, which ‘creates’ the impression that you are doing really well in that department. But in spite of this frequent ‘chatter’ people still feel lonely and not understood.

The fact of the matter is: partners are avoiding deeper conversations and staying – safely – away from sharing how they ‘really’ feel.

In order to have a strong foundation as a couple, ‘diving below the waterline’ and into deeper layers of yourself is key. And it’s not a ‘one-off event’, but a way of life. It goes without saying that this style requires courage and a sense of adventure!

But learning how to do this and then actually putting it into practice will be one of the most rewarding and energizing things you’ll ever experience…

 
© Els De Schaepmeester

For more info on how to work with me: www.thehouseofhealing.info

No matter what industry or field you are in, if you are in a leadership role, chances are you will be involved in helping ‘transformation’ to take place.

As a leader you may want your team members to find their strengths and become more self-directing and empowered. You may wish that they enthusiastically support each other and outperform their goals…

 To take things to the next level, however, there is a key component that is often met with resistance, and even some anxiety. It is the idea that ‘you’ yourself – as the manager (or: educator-parent-…) - have to have arrived at a certain location or stage in your own journey in order to be able to provide the necessary guidance to ‘the people under your wings’.

Those in leading positions will most likely have a hard time in helping to bring about ‘real’ change, when they remain unaware and - in some cases - unwilling to grow and learn themselves first and foremost.
But investing in personal development will always ‘pay off’, in your personal as well as in your professional relationships, which automatically leads to better results…      

© Els De Schaepmeester

For more info on how to work with me: www.thehouseofhealing.info